The feel of genuine mutuality is actually changed from the very first insecurity regarding the newest mind or other; brand new connection dating is not safer otherwise safer and is also perhaps not stored together as much from the attraction given that because of the worry , often out of death of self otherwise death of most other .
The fresh avoidant bristles in reaction to help you an approaching no. 1 accessory figure since the he/she doesn’t have confidence in mutuality . The fresh new handling figure desires things out of her or him, and you may reciprocity isn’t feasible . It will leave this new avoidant in a challenge that just be resolved that have compliance , detachment , outrage , or prevention . The newest avoidant experiences guilt and you may worry into development of antipathy on the an important attachment figure. She or he worries another tend to recognise so it aversive response, and because the cause of so it impulse try a mystery also towards the avoidant, the action is among the most shame: “ There’s something completely wrong beside me .”